He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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