well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
