i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize