I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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