If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
