I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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