apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
