he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
