White coat. Heels.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
