My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
my poor anus
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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