apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
