dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
People in love make me want to vomit
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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