I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
