I just saw a hot homeless man
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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