My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
