Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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