he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
