dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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