Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
