your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
