i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
