when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
