So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
