Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
