I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Drake has all the answers
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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