he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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