U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
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Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
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Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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