perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
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Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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