Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
