his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
