party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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