Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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