Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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