Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
