can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
