The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
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What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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