just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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