you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
