mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
