I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
