ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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