yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
