I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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