Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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