If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
