I just threw up on my dentist
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
