My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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