Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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