I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
