i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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