i don't like sucking hair
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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