were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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