He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize