She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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