I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
