i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
