sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
