Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
