Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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