I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
