I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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