Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
