from now on my penis is your penis
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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