Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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