Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
