I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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