Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
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champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
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You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
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