Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
