Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
