so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
