Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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