Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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