I'm drive I can fine osifer
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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