I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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